Well, less than 24 hours until take off. Right now I’m sitting at my kitchen table watching dark clouds roll in. The really dark ones that actually somehow make it darker outside even as it should be getting brighter. High winds, the rain should be starting soon. I could seriously watch weather like this for hours. It’s meditative and exciting at the same time. Not necessarily looking forward to flying in it tomorrow but I’ll take it nonetheless. This afternoon I’ll either be downtown shopping for enough big girl clothes to get me through my longest work trip yet or I’ll be churning out gallon ziplock after gallon ziplock of fake soft serve to schlep across the country.
I was just thinking…you know how sometimes sad, lonely people that find validation and identity in their gadgets tend to line up shamelessly outside the Apple store in the morning? All my inner restlessness and anxiety behaves that way sometimes. Waiting outside locked doors for my heart to open up and let it in cause it has nothing better to do and nowhere else to be. I can see and somewhat hear it through the glass that would shatter at first stone’s throw. If that anxiety had it’s own device it’d be impatiently and repeatedly checking the time. But early mornings with tea and Jesus are mine. Particularly this morning. Quiet. Still. My own space to think and breathe. Life and stress will fight it’s way in soon enough but I need a minute to prepare for the battle with the only one that can truly equip me for it.
I’m so beside myself at the two weeks ahead. Like a professional, I’ve been trying to make sure I’ve got every base covered. Pastry tips and handheld steamers, electric kettles Amazoned (yes, that is a legit verb) to the hotel. Wait, I just remembered that I can’t pack my torch…or butane fuel for that matter. Can I get on without it? Should I Amazon one to the hotel? I’m waiting to find out if an additional job – a commercial spot for the same client – will be tacked on to the end of the week. Amazing, right? At times I feel like a girl who runs the world (cue Beyonce, please), a tiny boss blessed out of her mind and crushing it on a daily basis. It’s the craziest, most fun adventure ever. Most of the time I feel that. But sometimes I feel like a little girl, completely overwhelmed by my life and the responsibilities and the opportunities in front of me because I care so much. I care so much about being worthy of the opportunities and I’m overcome with the reality of my finiteness. My friend Julie has this thing on her wall that says, “I know the Lord isn’t going to give me more than I can handle. Sometimes I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” It’s time to get my game face and my head on straight.
I was supposed to have Lasik surgery on the 17th. Now that I’ve got this possible extension and two other jobs on hold if it doesn’t come through, I’ll obviously be rescheduling my miraculous vision correction procedure. This is why it’s near impossible to take vacations. Plan it and they will call. And they’ll likely be calling with your biggest opportunity yet. Maybe I should plan it. “It” being the most epic things I ever did. Could be a surefire way to keep the work coming in.
It’s pouring now.